***
Aaricia placed her right hand on her belly, carefully. Life, new life.
She gasped at the doctor. Andy..
“W.. what will it be.. a boy, a girl..?”, she asked him with a trembling voice.
“A girl Aaricia. Congratula-“, as he noticed Aaricia’s reaction he sighed a bit sadly, then he put a hand on her right shoulder.
“You will be alright Aaricia, it is all gonna be alright.”
She nodded, looking absentminded.
“I assume.. that the father is Jarome Horati..?”, the old man then asked her.
“Yes, it is.”, she lied, “But keep it confident please. I’ll surprise him myself.”
Slightly she smiled at him, then she got up from the bed.
“Keep it easy girl. Here, take this disk. I put a diet on there that fits you personally. Especially milk, drink lots of milk. And no brandy, Aaricia.”
He showed her a grin.
With a nod and another forced smile she took the little round object from the doc, after which she left the medical bay, walking slowly, sighing.
The young woman gulped as she entered her own little house. Her own house.. but she barely remembered having lived here. It all looked familiar, very familiar. A long time ago, in some other life..
Crying she let herself fall on her ‘own’ bed, picking up the datapad from the little, familiar looking table, with the familiar looking candle on it, that was next to ‘her’ bed. She opened the email that she had gotten a while ago from Andy but not yet answered. Sobbing she dragged herself up, placed herself on the hard, wooden chair and started typing on the data terminal.
Dear A$d&ew,
I guess you have seen the Holonet announcement by now, which makes us enemies. Since you managed to write me an email I guess you are still alive. I hate this war.
I'm engaged with J@r*(e now. A@d* it would never work between us, how can it.. one of us would die soon or we both. So I have decided to quit our relationship. I'm pregnant though. I know that you are the father, but I will tell Jarome that he is it, as well as the child. It be a girl.
Even though we are enemies you will always keep a spot in my heart.
I have to finish the message now to keep it untraceable.
J@n#
She didn’t know how, but automatically she logged into the Holonet via some familiar looking program.. she just typed and typed although she didn’t even know what she was doing. But it felt ok to do. Then she slammed on her mouse, on her screen the arrow was slammed on the ‘SEND’ button. With a sigh she turned the terminal off and stared at the screen for a while. She peered in the corners of the ceiling of the room, but nowhere was a camera. She was so used to that.. always somebody that was watching her and the others. Hiding her feelings, acting like she was supposed to act.. just doing her duties.. but still.. acting. She sighed in relief, at least she could just.. cry in here.
She got up, looked in her cabinet for some clothes and got dressed. Outside she saw people doing their stuff, she didn’t want to have any social interaction at the moment and turned around, staring at Jarome’s house, soon to become her house too. So then she would have two houses. Only a week ago she hadn’t even possessed her own bed, and now she would soon have two houses!
Any government that finds it necessary to restrain people, to force them to undergo any ‘treatment’ to make them support it, to ‘save’ them, is a failed one.
The rebels hadn’t restrained her, they hadn’t locked her up, they hadn’t hurt her. This confused her. She had really believed in the Empire, believed that she had been freed, that she had been cured. A part of her still did.. it was quite some shock to suddenly.. to have the whole world, her own world, changed completely. To realize that a lot of things that she used to think, used to believe.. to start doubting about it. It felt like the bottom was vanishing under her feet, her complete vision of life, her inner basis.. she was changing and it scared the hell out of her.
She almost reached Jarome’s house. The long grass blades rustled peacefully in the wind. The sound of it calmed her mind a bit. She stepped in front of the front door. She had never been inside of the house yet. She knocked on the door, and heard some stumbling in the house. Then the door opened, and a strange looking man looked her in the eyes. Yet there was something familiar in the eyes. He smiled at her.
“Euhm.. I assume that you are Jarome and that you had plastic surgery?”, she stammered, confused.
“Yes, good job did they do, didn’t they?”
She peered at him.
“Oh my god.. you DO look like a different person!”
“I don’t want to keep hiding for the rest of my life.”, Jarome said with a soft, but warm voice.
“Me neither.. but I have gotten plastic surgery twice already. The doctor said that a third facelift of this caliber isn’t possible, it would harm the muscles of my face too much. I would start looking like some deceased nightsister!”, she said. Sadly she continued. “So, well.. I can wear color lenses and take a different haircut, but I cannot change my face anymore.. so I guess that for the rest of my life I’ll have to keep hiding.. well.. as long as the Empire is searching for us. I know that they will keep looking-“
“As long as the Empire keeps existing. We are here to overthrow this regime Aaricia!” He held her in his arms. “Here we are safe, nothing will happen to you. Come, follow me I’ll show you the house.”
She followed him with a sigh. The walked upstairs and then came in some corridor-like room. There was a big desk and there were terminals everywhere.
“Voila.. your desk!” Jarome pointed at the desk.
“My.. my desk..?”
He smiled at her.
“You really don’t remember do you? They told me that you used to be quite handy with terminals, that you were some wizz kid with them. Val-Tane said that your memories will come back, due in time.”
She walked behind the desk and touched the table and the keyboards with her fingers.
“Remember the desk jobs at the Garrison?”
“Yes but I was never allowed to do much with the terminals, although-“
She sat down and started up the main terminal. Without any problem she logged in and typed several things, although she didn’t know what she was doing. This confused her. She didn’t remember that she was handy with terminals, or that she learned about it. Yet she didn’t need to even think while using them. She scratched an itch.
“I don’t remember a thing.” She said a bit confused. “That I learned about it.”
He pointed at some disk that was lying on the desk, “On that disk I put a Holovideo.”“What’s on it?” She asked.
“Play it.” He smiled at her. “I will come back later.”
Then he walked out of the room.
She took the disk and put it in the appropriate hole. Within a few seconds a Holovideo started playing. It was a Hologram of Jarome.
*A holodisk dated 052605 is left on
the table in Aaricia’s humble home and when activated a holotransmission with
Jarome in civilian clothing begins to play.*
My dear Aaricia
I wanted to keep a bit of a log for you while you are on medical
leave, so here it is. There is so much I wanted to say in the past, and did
not. It is time to end that now and I choose to start here. Forgive me if it
seems like I am a bit clouded here. I never was much for writing letters.
Remember “Haki and Booze” Aaricia? I cleverly concocted lie, to
both my friends and myself. I even went so far as to deceive Andrew while we
were in the cell overnight. Not out of any malice towards him, but because he
was my friend and I did not wish to impose and cause conflict. We were after
all a formidable team on and off duty.
I got a letter from Andy the other day. He is alive and as well
as can be expected. Always bragging about how many of my new comrades he has
sent to their deaths, as usual. He asked me to take care of you. That is one
charge I will honor, but the only one from him. True he was my friend and more
so to you, however things have changed and he is my enemy now. Out of respect
for him though I told him not to attempt to track us down, or I would kill him
myself without mercy. You are all I have left Aaricia and the one thing I am
intent on not losing. I lost to damn much to the Empire already.
I have other news as well. I have joined the ranks of the
Alliance Aaricia and for the first time ever I felt truly at peace putting on
the uniform of a soldier. These fighters are every bit as good as Storm
Troopers. Every day they go forth to their bloody business, I watch them from
the doorstep. Why they do it though I could not answer until a few nights ago
when I saw SGT. Darkrunner in action aboard the Amber Dawn and it all hit me.
She did what she did not for fame or reward. Not for rank or for place. Not
lured by ambition or goaded by necessity, but in simple obedience to duty as
she understood it. She suffered, sacrificed herself. She dared and almost died,
for the team.
So much knowledge is here in the depot my dear. I think I have
finally started to learn something of the elaborate lies fed to the galaxy for
so long. So much of what I believed for so long crumbled before me. The CO has
already shown me a great deal and I am looking forward to learning more from
him.
Another thing since I seem to be clearing the air here. When
Jarome died on the scorching sands of Tatooine he did so with a great many
regrets. One of the greatest regrets he had was never telling Ilona how he felt
about her and putting on a façade or being in love with another. And than there
you were, standing over me. I thought I had made the final jump with a port of
call that had everything I ever wanted, that everything I mention was you. It
was destiny, plain and simple Aaricia. For the better or the worse I do not yet
know. I do know this much though; no matter what happens I will always be there
for you as your husband, and if you choose to return to duty, your comrade. For
now though, I go to settle old scores on Tatooine. I suppose I should thank
Onoxa, but no, he will suffer as we have suffered and than, than we will live
out what days we can, together as husband and wife.
Goodbye for now and never forget how much I love you.
Jarome Horati, Besh 06
She gasped.
Settle old scores on Tatooine. Darnit Jarome you promised to be careful, I don’t want to lose you!
She walked out of the room and in a room on her right Jarome was sitting on a little couch. She said what she had just thought to him.
“Aaricia I have already done that.” He answered.
“Aha.” She answered a bit cynical, after her eyes had turned big.
“The past is no more to me darling..”
“I don’t want to lose you!”
“You won’t! I.. let me get us a drink.”
She sat down on one of the small black couches, looking at the interior of the room. After a few minutes Jarome came back with two cups of tea.
“Here.”
She gratefully took one of the cups and sipped from it, carefully so that she didn’t burn her lips.
“What’s that watery sound? It is like there is some downpour.”
Jarome grinned at her words.
“Follow me.”
She followed him towards the sound and they entered some ‘bathroom’ with fountains and a lot of plants. Her eyes grew big and she smiled.
“This room.. I like it!” She said sincerely. “I love plants.. and water.”
“It is Naboo style.” He said to her warmly.
“Naboo.. I like Naboo. I really regretted that I moved back to Tatooine after the queen’s audition in Theed. I wanted to stay longer, but well.. orders..”
“It’s over now Aaricia. We are not there anymore, from now on we can stay and go where we want to, we are free now. It was bad there.. but I was glad that I found you there!”
“We were drones of the Empire.” Aaricia said back, feeling a bit confused. “If we had a will of our own the system.. then there would be chaos. Freedom is chaos.. how can order and freedom exist the same time?”
She sighed, suddenly she got a headache.
“It can. It’s all about choices my dear Aaricia. And besides.. how orderly was it when we shot the people in the medcentre because some pet wasn’t leashed? To my opinion that created more chaos, instead of order.”
“Well we put them down.. and then there was.. order.. euh? I.. I think sometimes order can only.. be attained by first creating chaos? Besides.. we got that reporter.. and Lyzzie..”
The reporter-dog.. the droid-girl. Lyzzie the rebel, she knew for sure that she was a rebel.
“Come, you look a bit tired.”
They walked out of the room.
Rebels.. her former friends. But she had hated them like hell the last months.. she had fanatically helped the Empire capture.. and kill them. How was this possible? How had her mind become so twisted? She shook her head.
“Rebels had made me feel sad.” She said.
“Sad?”
“Yeah, when I was a trooper.. I always got a sad feeling when I.. when we captured them, interrogated them, killed them. Also Val-Tane, Xanado, Lyzzie. They made me feel sad.”
“Why sad?”
“I think.. maybe somehow.. deep inside myself..” Then she stared into his eyes, tears forming in her own. “I was killing them Jarome. I was killing my friends!”
“I lost everything I was.. I know the feeling.” He said sadly.
“Jarome I hated my friends.. how could I do that? I was a monster! They used to be my friends.. and I hated them all that time with the Empire. How can I do that.. and how can I lose my memories!”
“Aaricia.. the Empire is very persuasive, you were an experiment! Don’t blame yourself of this..” Jarome comforted her. “You were a victim of an insidious plot from what little I know. I...” He pointed at himself. “I have no excuse. I had chosen myself, out of my free will, to join the Empire.”
She grabbed his arms.
“You were young, you were just one of the many.. mislead by them. It’s over now. If we keep feeling guilty about the past we will make it unnecessarily hard for ourselves in the now and the future. We.. we have to forgive ourselves, how hard it will be..”
She gulped, thinking back at what she had done as a stormtrooper. She remembered herself leading a patrol, she was an emotionless and harsh racist and for example she had shot a Twi’lek only because it had made some remark. She was a.. monster.
“I behaved like a monster.. I thought like a monster Jarome.. but still..” She stammered, tears streaming over her cheeks. “W.. we have to forgive ourselves. It is the only way-“
He took her hand and they walked to another room, a bedroom. She looked at the interior.
“Try the bed. Softer than the beds of the Garrison!”
With a smile she sat down. Yes, they really were softer, a lot softer!
“Life is good here Aaricia. We aren’t just soldiers here.. we are human beings too.”
“You mean like that man that didn’t get executed because he didn’t follow an order?”
“Yes.. the CO even allowed us to get married! Something Oxona or Yodo would even have shot us for suggesting.”
She remembered when she used to be with Andy.. yes it had been hard to keep a relationship in the Garrison. She remembered the lecture they got when they had only been tickling each other in the showers.
“Onoxa.. he always seemed to keep an eye on me. He was nice to me but somehow I also felt uncomfortable, even scared, when in his presence.”
“Onoxa is not here anymore. We are together Aaricia. I’m together.. with you.”
He looked in her eyes, she saw love in them, which made her even more sad, but it was also like some ice melted. He gave her a kiss then she grabbed him and kissed him passionately.
“Destroyed.. so much is destroyed.. but still there is life.. love.. friends.”
She smiled and felt happiness.. and love.
Love.. friends.. family..
At the last thought her hart stopped beating and she stopped breathing.
Family.
“Ern shot them in the head, those traitors.”, she remembered Zamar saying at the campfire.
“Family..”, she mumbled, then she felt rage and a lot of sorrow.
They had executed her family, and if the rest that they had made her believe wasn’t true, then maybe-
“Jarome.. my family!!”, she jumped up from the bed, “My family.. I believed they were traitors.. but maybe they weren’t.. nooo Jarome they killed my family THEY KILLED MY FAMILY!”
She screamed and then fell on her knees, mourning.
"Nooooooo they killed my family.. My sister, my brother, mummy, dad.. NOOOOOO!”
Jarome got her up and put her back on the bed, trying to do his best to comfort her.
“Don’t cry darling.”
“Noooooooooo Jarome they fucking killed my family! Oh no and I believed all the time.. I.. I believed that it had been just, how could I they killed.. they killed Janine, Jason, mum.. dad..”
Passionately she screamed, a scream filled with sadness and pain.
“My family is dead too Aaricia. They executed my sister when I was off duty. She was a rebel. I myself had taken care of her capture Aaricia. I know what you mean.”
He sighed, she saw also sadness in his eyes but he managed to keep it under control, managed not to cry. As they had been taught as proper.. stormtroopers.
"You monster!" It was as if fire was coming out of Aaricia's
eyes.. he had taken care of the capture of his own sister..
Jarome didn't move an inch.
Aaricia jumped towards him, then pushed him onto the bed. He didn't react.
"Monster monster MONSTER! You fucking monster!"
Now Jarome grabbed her wrists, and they started wrestling. They fought and
fought, pillows flew around, a lamp broke. With rage Aaricia threw Jarome
onto the ground, and he rolled away as she was about to jump onto him. They
continued wrestling fiercely, kicking, pulling at each other's hair, scratching
each others skin. Jarome managed to throw himself onto Aaricia, then grabbed a
pistol from the drawer and aimed it at her.
There was utter silence. They looked into each other's eyes, panting,
sweating, hearts pounding wildly. As the look in Jarome's eyes softened,
in Aaricia's came tears. They stared at each other, crying, speaking no
word. They both knew what the other was thinking. For a part they'd
become robots, programmed by the military, and it had been these
robots that had been fighting each other.
Jarome waited patiently till she was sleeping, then softly he left the room.