***12 March 2005 – Three names

 

Aaricia knew it was time, it was the only option left. She felt very sad, but she comforted herself. She was ready to die.

She felt the small piece of hard plastic in her right closed hand. She hoped they wouldn’t find out. Footsteps approached the cell door.

“Are you hungry, rebel?”

Her stomach rumbled, she felt nauseous, her body felt cold, she felt like she would be fainting really soon from starvation.

“Three names will stop it.”

She didn't speak.

Ten days had passed since the Imperials had stopped giving her food. They'd tortured her, they'd drugged her with a lot of chemicals and they had been about to cut off all her nails and fingers, but at this point the person in charge had decided to chose another strategy.

But the exhaustion was taking it’s toll and she felt very depressed. She had been hugging herself, she had hallucinated, she had thought that Gou-geo had been here, talking to him.
She was terribly afraid to break. There was only one option left, and that was killing herself right away.

The footsteps receded and she managed to get herself standing. She walked towards the sink, leaning at it. Her back was turned to the camera. She hoped it would cover her actions so she could die before they could save her life. She opened her hand and stared at the piece of plastic with tears in her eyes.

Goodbye Sasseke, I thank you for everything that you have given me, I will never betray you that’s the last thing I can do for you.. for you and your friends.

Tears crawled over her cheeks when she started cutting her right wrist. She felt so hungry that she couldn’t feel any pain. She hoped that the starvation would have made her so weak that she would die really soon. The sooner, the better.

Her right wrist started to bleed, now it started to feel really painful but she continued, clenching her teeth. She heard voices in the background, were other people in the cell next to her? She hoped that they distracted the troopers so that they wouldn’t interfere with her.

When her right wrist was bleeding well she started cutting the other one, her right hand tingled because of the blood loss but with the last bits of her determination and willpower she managed to cut the other one too. Resolutely she opened the tap and held her wrists under it so that the blood could wash away with the water. It felt like ages. Why did it take this long? She winced, it felt very painful. She stared at the viscous red fluid that accompanied the water that was streaming out of the tap. Much blood seemed to be in a human being. It amazed her. Then suddenly she started feeling dizzy, her vision blurred and everything turned grey.

At least she had fought for a good cause and she died for a reason. Aaricia had lived.

Everything started spinning really fast and the next thing she remembered was seeing the floor close to her eyes, in grey.. footsteps approached, she heard voices echoing in the distance but couldn’t understand any word. She begged it to be somewhere else, like the next cell. And if it was here then she hoped that they would be too late to 'save' her. Her body felt paralyzed, her hands cold. Slowly everything started getting dark around her, she felt like she started floating.

Aaricia opened her eyes, everything felt strange. She moved her hands, then opened her eyes. She was floating close to the ceiling, and there below her was her dying body. She felt like swimming in the air. It was similar to her mostly lucid dreams. She felt a deep sadness and loneliness. She felt cut off from her body. She wanted to touch it, to hug it.. like she'd done with the bodies of her father, mother and brother.
She felt the same deep sadness deep inside her core. It was a very deep sadness, but also peace. It was sadness surrounded by a warm, soft blanket of peace and silence.
She saw an officer and stormtrooper running into the cell. The officer pointing, ordering. Another trooper entering, picking up the bruised body. Two strong arms grabbed hers, as he grabbed the arms of her body. Were they still connected to each other? Wasn't she dead yet? She put the confusion aside and managed to follow them. They didn't seem to notice her at all. She could freely walk around. She followed them into a medical bay. There were some doctors that started treating her body quickly. One of them gave electrical shocks on her breast, the other put bacta on her wrists. Aaricia noticed a silver cord that was between the body and her and it was getting thicker and stronger as their treatment proceeded. Something heavy slowly started pulling her back down. Her arms and legs started feeling warmer and warmer, and she got caught back into the body. She wasn't able to move anymore. Something cut off her vision and this was the last thing of this very odd 'dream' she could remember.

 

A lot of pain, a bleeping sound..

Aaricia opened her eyes and found herself lying in a bed, her hands, feet and head strapped. Her wrists were bandaged. The officer that had been in her cell, walked into the room, sitting on the side of her bed. He cleaned the metal insigna on his breast with his right sleeve. Then he looked at the medical droid that was in front of the bed. Aaricia thought of her father sitting on the side of her bed, though this was obviously not her father. This man had killed her father.
"Do you have children?" She asked with a hoarse voice.
"Aaricia Silverstar. You will tell me three names." He answered.
"You DO have children, don't you?" Aaricia continued.
The man turned his face towards hers, in his eyes there was coldness.
"I reckon you have a daughter, you are in the right age.. a teenage daughter, just like my father. Sitting next to the child on the bed, talking, comforting her. You killed my father. How did you feel like, doing that?"
"As you like, rebel scum."
One of the doctors entered the room. He turned his face towards him.
"Put her to sensory deprivation therapy." Then he walked away.
"I know you have a daughter!" Aaricia called with a fierce voice.
With fire in her eyes she stared at the doctor, as he plugged her ears, put a breathing mask to her face, gave her an injection to cut off her touching sense and then blindfolded her.