***8 June 2005 -My child, the wedding and a peculiar letter

 

I have finally told it to Jarome. He reacted the opposite way than I had expected.

Sad I saw him lying in medbay again, wounded in the chest. There had been some fight in the depot, with a jedi. It seemed that even at the depot we weren't completely safe.. also with Hamna calling and Eley here, it was starting to make me feel more and more frightened. Maybe it was getting time for myself to get back into action a bit more, to start doing things, instead of wasting a lot of my time and energy with puzzling.

Andy is the father.

"I still love you Aaricia, just the same." Jarome said to me.

I said that I had been afraid that he wouldn't treat the child the same if he knew that Andy was the father.. I know how much Jarome hates the Empire now..

 

It was good to have an open conversation about this, made me feel a lot better. I took a walk with him, took him into my barracks. There we talked about the wedding.. how do we want it and such. And what about our surnames..

"Maybe we just.. delete our surnames completely." Jarome said. "So that we can start anew, erase the past a bit."

"No Jarome.. I cannot delete my surname I'd like to keep it. It is also the name of my family.. they all got executed. If I erase my surname then there isn't any 'Silverstar' left.. is there..?"

I felt a lot of sorrow again and started mourning.

"Aaricia move on.. this is ripping you apart!" Jarome said.

 

But I felt confident.. it might rip me more apart if I would suppress this feeling, like I did in the Empire.. then just feel it, just cry. It felt good to cry. Warmly Jarome hugged me.

"You're not alone anymore." He said.

"I hate this fucking war. I hope it ends someday, and that my.. that OUR child won't suffer!"

Warmly we looked in each others eyes.

"The best thing I've ever done.. is getting you out of there." I said to him softly, and we hugged each other. I felt so much love..

We will backpack someday, on Naboo. Jarome will show me beautiful spots in nature, where he had been in his childhood. We fantasized about a lot of things and then I brought Jarome back to the medbay as he started to look really tired.

 

When I arrived back in my barracks I found a letter from somebody called 'Jobosan Raen', calling me his sister. But he wasn't called 'Silverstar'.. I mean my brother was killed, this was pretty confusing for me. Somehow this all rang a bell in me.. but I couldn't 'grab' it. It might come forward in some days, I hoped.