***16 January 2005 -Deadly weapon and badge of Merit

 

 

I spent some days in the desert after this because I fell very ashamed (to Lyzzie, Talln, Ani’a and the other doctors), but after this short period of solitude (and thinking about the last days) I feel kinda ‘normal’ again. Sometimes I really need time for myself, really need to be totally alone with nobody around me. It makes me feel refreshed again. Maybe when I spend a lot of time my ‘social battery’ empties and when I take some time for myself it can recharge again. Sometimes I really should take more time for myself..

Bill sent me a Holomail ‘Lyzzie asked me to tell you that she is sorry’. For what is she sorry, I wonder.

 

I entered Entha and treated myself to some clothing shopping, then suddenly Vernant stood left of me holding a big rifle in his hands. “I want to speak with Lella as soon as possible.”, he said to me in a hurry. “Euhm ok.”, I said. I didn’t trust him completely but I knew that Lella has spoken to him. I contacted her in an alley and she said that she had to travel a bit before she would arrive here. Apparently Vernant was in a big hurry as he decided to tell this to me then. I followed him into a little cantina that was on the south side of the theatre, and there in the cellar we spoke. He said that a guy previously called ‘Ryden Ashen’ but now called ‘Dellis’ has turned into some ‘renegade rebel’, totally working on himself and that he could be a treat to civilians and give the Alliance a bad name. “If he will ever try to kill me, I won’t hesitate to lay him down.”, Vernant told me. Then he asked about my family. After I told him about what Xtyx had told me (sigh) just before he was taken away (argh I need to get over it).. he said that he could still get information from the Empire and that he will try to find out more about them.

“When your family is freed, leave with them. You are too young to waste your life to this war, look what it has done with me..”

I felt sad because of this.. I don’t know why. Three years ago I decided to dedicated my life to the Alliance, to help them getting rid of the Empire and bringing back peace and freedom in the galaxy, and safety to all species. I cannot imagine it now, but would I ever decide to retreat myself from all of this I wonder? And if.. would my family and I ever be safe from the Empire, or would we have to keep running from them all our lives? I think my sister would join the Alliance again, she is at least as devoted to the Alliance cause as me. Maybe we all would join the Alliance, even my father!

Lella arrived and I saw her meeting Vernant, he told her the same things as he told me. When he was almost finished, behind us laserblasts were audible. I watched around the corner and saw some little rodian (Looney) with a droid, and two cops lying on the ground wounded. Then a lot happened at a fast pace. Lella and Vernant played vigilante and I helped them. I could incap the rodian but the droid stunned me and I lost my consciousness. The doctors treated us well. There seems to be another new doctor, some tanned man, he looks handsome J

Ani’a was at the medcentre too. She asked us some questions. She acted nice, I hope she isn’t still disappointed in me and ‘my people’. I hope she still wants to help us. I met Lyzzie too and spoke with her. She told me that she had stabbed herself a few days ago and she fell ashamed because of this. I remember how I felt when I ran out of the medcentre so I can imagine this a bit. I feel so sad. She is only 15.. what happened to her that she hates herself so much? I like her but very weird things are happening with her and she doesn’t talk about her past at all. ‘Dogface’, the metal in her body, her self-hate.. an aura of mysteriousness and darkness surrounds her, but it is like she hasn’t a lot of control over it, like she is frightened because of this, like she herself doesn’t know why this is happening to her. Does she hate herself that much because of this, because she doesn’t have much control over these weird things that are happening to her?

 

Vernant asked me to take him to his house. “But why, you are still wounded and here are doctors.”, I told him. “I don’t want to stay in this #%@ medcentre.” Well ok.. maybe he doesn’t trust the doctors because Iara seems to be a friend of Ryden (now called Dellis). I dragged him to the vehicle garage, where our vehicles were parked. He leaned that much on me that I felt totally exhausted by the time we arrived at the garage. We drove to his house, a new house now built close to the location of the previous (that has been removed). This house is a lot bigger. I helped him lie down on his bed and he fell asleep.

I hesitated a bit at first but it would be a great opportunity to maybe verify some things that Vernant has told me/us. As silently as possible I looked in chests, bookcases and such. Maybe I could find interesting information or something? He was known as a notorious imperial spy to the Alliance.. he acts like he has quit this, but maybe he hasn’t at all. Amongst ‘normal’ things like towels and such I found a suitcase that was locked with some code. I left the bedroom and searched the rest of the house. Man, this house is huge! Vernant seems to be very rich.. in a little room with a lot of bookcases (pfff it felt like I was searching for hours, so many chests, cabinets and such..). I found a note on which was written:

 

Sith, a cult of mystery, page 56

 

I remembered this title from one of the books that were in a chest in Vernant’s bedroom. I tiptoed back to his room, he still seemed to be sleeping and I opened the chest, took the book and opened it at page 56. Then I felt something cold against my head.. I held my breath. Vernant was holding a rifle against my head. I was scared like hell, pushed through the house and then locked in some room with bookcases, plants, a sofa and a chair. Vernant’s therapy room? I didn’t know what to say, I was caught while doing the act. It was the risk that I had taken..

I saw some ‘air vent’ high in a corner, close to the ceiling. It said ‘click’ then something was blown into the room through it. Oh my god, was he gassing me? There wasn’t any window and the door didn’t ventilate enough. ‘Don’t panic Aaricia, keep as much breath as possible’. I managed to calm myself down a bit while finding a way out of this room. But when I couldn’t hold my breath any more and I had to inhale new air, it didn’t smell funny and I could breath normally. Then I heard a click and Vernant entered the room. He took a seat at the sofa, he the psychiatrist I the patient. The mad shrink with a big rifle holding in his hands.

“Why did you do this?”, he asked.

I decided to just tell the truth.

“I hoped to get more information for the Alliance and verify the things that you told us.”, I said.

“You wanted to know what is in the suitcase so badly..”, he told me with a sad voice, “Here you can take a look.”

He opened the suitcase. Inside there was a disk labeled ‘Aurek-6’, he put it into a datapad and gave this to me.

On the screen I saw a lot of chemical formula’s.

“This gas, Hexis5, makes your lungs burn within an hour. It can be used as a weapon of mass destruction. But I don’t want it to be used either by the Empire or the Alliance. Therefore I cannot let you leave..”, he continued.

 

 

I looked at the air vent, then again to him. My heart started pounding in my chest.. what would he do with me? Shoot me? Kill me with.. gas?

“Don’t kill me please.”, I said.

Vernant had a very dark glance, it frightened me.

“Why don’t you just destroy the disk. I won’t tell the Alliance. What reason would I have, if the disk is destroyed it makes no sense anymore.”, I continued.

“The weapon can be used to wipe Imperial facilities, but it can also wipe the life from planets.”, Vernant continued.

After a while I could persuade him and he smashed the disk on the floor in front of me.

Only a small disk, but this could have had so many consequences. In front of me a potential powerful weapon for the Alliance was destroyed. As if it hadn’t existed.

I wondered what could have happened if the Alliance had get a hold of this formula, or the Empire.. but it was out of the question now.

Vernant let me go. He said that he regretted his past. “Do you trust me now?”, he asked me.

 

 

“More than before yes.”, I answered and that was the truth.

“Bye friend.”, I said to him when I left the house, “May the Force be with you.”

I think Vernant is really turning to the Alliance, and I won’t tell anybody about Aurek-6 or the deadly gas ‘Hexis5’.

 

In the city I met a guy that looked like the description of Dellis that Vernant gave me only a few hours ago (that felt to me like days!). I took him into an ally, told him that I know about him and what I know and begged him not to kill Vernant. First he didn’t want to tell me anything, but a few minutes later he said “Ok I won’t kill him.” Then he left, what a loner.

 

At night I went to Azaki base, for a meeting. I felt pretty tired because of the things that happened today, but after drinking some coffee while watching to the starstripes while traveling through lightspeed in my second hand Z95 headhunter, I could wake up a bit more.

 

 

Now I have a secret, now I have something that I can tell to nobody. At the meeting, where I could wear my kewl dress uniform again, we all got promotions. And we have two new members now! Talln (!!!) and a guy called Verve.

I am Lance Corporal now JJ and the major gave me a badge of Merit. I feel so proud! But it makes me the most happy that we have 4 new recruits and that Talln joined us!